7 Secrets Chart Your Course to Success in Love Relationships

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Manythink they’ve found “the one” and anticipate endless happiness, only to bedisappointed yet again. Whyis it so difficult to find the right person to love and to be loved back?Despite a string of short-lived relationships, we all hope that someday wewill find our true love. Thishope—fed by a need to find acceptance, to be cared for, to feel safe andsecure—is the driving force that keeps us searching after each failedrelationship. And our need to be loved is perfectly natural, regardless ofwhether we come from a liberated background or a strict one. Callme an eternal optimist, but I believe, as the saying goes, “There’sa right shoe for every foot.” Here are some basic steps to follow thatwill change your love life and make you the envy of your friends. Secret 1: Know what you want. Clearly decide what it is that youhope to find in the love relationship. For example, is it happiness that youwant? Is it just companionship? And so on. When you have defined what it isthat you want, you need to find someone heading in the same direction. Secret 2: Be strategic. The secret to finding lasting love begins with dating. And your dating approachmust be strategic. For example, in many businesses, the objective is to providecertain services in an exchange for profit. Apply a similar approach toyour love life. When you meet someone, ask yourself, how is having a loverelationship with this person going to improve my life or give me what it is thatI hope to gain? Secret 3: Have a powerful incentive. People today are very cynical.They are used to being “sold to” and are looking for authenticity.Bring something to the table that will give your love interest a reason tocommit to a long-term love relationship with you. People for the most partrespond very well to incentives. I cannot stress this enough. While I do notwish to preach, to illustrate how critical incentives are in causing peopleto act, millions of people live certain ways in the hopes that upon death,they will inherit mansions in heaven. If God sees fit to offer the inheritanceof mansions as an incentive to cause people to act, can you understand whyyou cannot do without offering an incentive? Secret 4: Seek confirmation. This next step is essential. Avoidanother disappointment by seeking confirmation at the start that the two of youbelong with each other. Without confirmation, if you encounter problems at thebeginning of the relationship, you might leave. On the other hand, if youreceive confirmation that the two of you belong together, you are likely toexercise the required patience. You can receive confirmation by taking the timeto ponder the two of you and allow the answer to be revealed to you. Secret 5: Nurturethe relationship. It is very important to understand that no love relationship offers 100% ofwhat the two people in it want. Often, what is missing can be added. Forexample, if your partner has no cooking skills, the two of you can learn how tocook together. Take up an evening cooking course. This can be loads of fun, andit beats finding fault in your partner because they don’t know the differencebetween pan seared and sauté . Secret 6: Be emotionallyavailable. Bethere for each other. Be each other’s number one best friend, and remember thatwomen love to be part of what their men like. For example, if you, the man,like a certain sport, include your partner in some way. Celebrate oneanother’s successes, and at the end of a day when everything has goneterribly wrong, provide a shoulder to cry on. Men in particular must learnthis simple secret. When your partner has a problem and wants to talk, don’tprevent her by saying she will be okay. Now she will not be okay. Stop what you are doing and listen. She just wants tovent or cry and she will be fine. Secret 7: Have an exit strategy. We all go into relationships hoping we’ll find whatwe’re looking for—mostly happiness. Sometimes we inadvertently cause ourrelationship or marriage to end. My advice to you is simple in this regard.Have an exit strategy in advance: a way to exit with dignity and grace.The experts suggest that each of you should have your own financial identity.Then, if your companion or spouse decides to leave, you are financiallyprepared to support yourself. In my experience, if men andwomen can follow just these seven simple steps, their love relationship willblossom.   Ernest Quansah has more than 15 years’experience as a relationship counsellor and is the author of How to Identify Your Soulmate as well as Dos and Don’ts of Relationships . Hehas successfully coached many single men and women to find dates leading tosuccessful marriages. Website: http://www.dosanddontsofrelationships.com          

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