Beware of the Shame Syndrome in Korea!

One of the elements of the Korean mindset that often poses a special problem and danger for Westerners is the role of changpi (chahng-pee), or shame, in the culture—a role that is so deeply ingrained in Korean attitudes and behavior that it is one of the primary foundations of their national character.      Instead of being programmed by a religion to feel guilt as a result of wrong doing, and being subject to punishment by the creators and keepers of this method of social control, Koreans have traditionally been conditioned to feel intense shame when they are guilty of or are accused of wrong-doing, as well as when someone fails to follow the institutionalized rules of etiquette and morality in their relationships with them, thereby damaging their “face.”      As it happens, this system turns out to be a more powerful control mechanism than religious-based guilt feelings, resulting in Koreans in general being far better behaved than their religious-guilt oriented counterparts in other countries.      The role of shame in Korean culture derives from the influence of Confucianism, which teaches that personal shame should be the basis of all morality—not religious concepts that promise punishment in an afterlife or secular laws that call for punishment in real life.      In religious-based guilt cultures, especially Christianized cultures, people who are guilty of wrongdoing may suffer from guilt feelings but their suffering is generally not visible and does not necessarily affect the behavior of others toward them.      In such societies people can do the most horrendous things and if they are not somehow caught they can behave as if they are innocent and live normal lives, well-treated by family, friends and others. Many, in fact, take false pride in having gotten away with something.      In Korea, on the other hand, cultural conditioning in the Confucian concept of  changpi results in Koreans who commit visible etiquette infractions or secular crimes against others punishing themselves by intense feelings of shame whether they are exposed or not.      Conversely, when someone fails to behave in the prescribed and ritualized manner toward Koreans they regard it as a major transgression against them—as an insult that must be avenged in order for them to maintain their “face.”      Traditionally, the sense of shame instilled in Koreans was collective. It went beyond individuals to include their families, their clan, their region of the country and ultimately the whole country. In other words, if you insulted one Korean you insulted all Koreans.       In earlier times, one of the major sources of shame for male Koreans was failing to live up to the expectations of their families—their fathers and grandfathers, their close kin and their clan. This shame factor was one of the primary sources of the drive of Koreans to get the best possible education and the extraordinary diligence the vast majority display in their work.       Koreans still live in a shame-controlled culture—which is weaker than what it used to be but by Western standards is still incredibly strong. It is therefore important for foreigners dealing with Koreans to know enough about the culture to be aware of the kind of things that result in shame—and both avoid them and learn how to deal with them if they happen inadvertently.      There are a whole litany of things that Koreans regard as shaming, beginning with failure to abide by the rules of etiquette and morality that cover all relationships, including those pertaining to sexual gender, age, educational level, job-rank, and social class. [See Etiquette Guide to Korea and Korean Business Etiquette .]      North Korea is, of course, a special case. On a government level, the traditional shame-based morality and etiquette have been over-laid by a paranoid communist ideology that is irrational and inhuman, making it virtually impossible to have a rational, equitable, constructive relationship with North Korean officialdom.   Copyright © 2009 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente ______________________________________ Boyé Lafayette De Mente is a graduate of Jōchi University in Tokyo and Thunderbird School of Global Management in Glendale, Arizona. He is the author of more than 50 books on the business practices, cultures and languages of China, Japan, Korea and Mexico. For a list and synopses of his books go to: www.boyedemente.com .

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