How To Save A Marriage: The 5 Steps To Discuss a Disagreement

How To Save A Marriage: The 5 Steps To Discuss a Disagreement That Won’t Make Things Worse

1. Don’t keep score. When you’re discussing a disagreement, it’s natural to try to “win” points. But you didn’t start this conversation because you wanted to win (or at least, you shouldn’t have anyway). You started it because you wanted to make things better. Winning arguments almost never happens in the real world. Someone may feel like they won, but the relationship rarely gets better because of it. Because even if someone made better arguments why they were right, the other person will never walk away feeling better. If they don’t feel better, all you’ve done is set yourself up for a future battle over the same or even a different topic. So don’t think of the discussion as an attempt to make the most good points.

2. Listen. The person you are now arguing with, has feelings, wants and desires. And guess what, this is the same person who you love and decided to marry. So your goal in the discussion should be to listen to them. Find out what’s driving them. It’s unlikely that their only goal regarding the topic you disagree on is to make you unhappy. Try to listen more than you speak. Otherwise you won’t find out the real source of your disagreement. And honestly, in terms of how to save a marriage, this step of really listening to your partner may be the most important.

3. Now you’re ready to put yourself in their shoes. After really being careful in doing 1. And 2. You should have a good understanding of how they feel. Ask yourself, if you felt the same way, how would you react? What would make you feel better? What would you like to hear from your partner if you felt that way?

4. Express your own feelings with sensitivity toward what you’ve discovered about your spouse’s feelings. In other words, don’t express your feelings by only talking about yourself and your needs. Include your partner’s feelings and needs in the expression of your own feelings. In some ways this may sound like your summarizing what your spouse feels and what you feel.

5. Brain storming, not arguing. Now here is where you put all the pieces together. You say something like, “Now I understand how you feel. Maybe we can come up with some way that would make us both feel better.”

Because it’s hard to always think clearly when you’re in the middle of an argument, so please review these steps many times. If you can use this method of discussing your disagreements, you will have gone a long way toward answering that million dollar question we started with, how to save a marriage. Please visit http://www.marriagesavingarticles.com/ .Thanks a lot.

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