The Great Mystery: what kind of gift does a guy actually want?

Five Steps to Choosing the Right Gift Doyou know what he wants?  Too many guys keep what they want a secret...usually the response you'll get for asking is along the lines of "Idon't really want anything". Believeme, we're well aware of this situation that too many gift-givers findthemselves in; we get quite a few people writing in for advice on whatto buy. Sincea lot of people ask us what they should get, but don't tell us whattheir guy is like, it's pretty hard for us to choose the right ideas. We decided that it might help for us to present a definitive How-Tofor choosing the gifts your guy really wants, for Christmas, for hisbirthday, or for any other occasion. There are five steps to finding a good gift: Research what your guy likes Use pre-emptive shopping Avoid certain gifts Consider certain gifts Attach a nice note 1. Research what your guy likes Yourguy likes stuff, it's a fact... if you don't know what he likes, it'sbecause you haven't spent the time thinking about it from a gift-buyingperspective.  Here are some tips to get you listening to what he wants: Listen to what he says On TV: He'll probably mention something, or at least "Oooh and Ahhh" over one or two products that are being advertised. WhileShopping: Drag him to the mall; it may be painful for the both of you,but the results are worth it.  Listen for the same whines of desirewhile you stroll through the "guy sections". WhileChatting: If you talk to him about sports, tools, music, or cars forjust a moment or two, and you'll probably get an idea of what he wants. Snoop around his "guy areas" Check out what he has: Sometimes the right gift for a guy is an accessory to something he already has. Checkout what he doesn't have: For example, if he likes the tools, try tofind out what should be in the gaping hole in the workshop. Listen to someone close to your guy It'snot that you're not close to the guys on your list, but there may bethings that you're not being told that other people have found outabout what your guy wants. Mother: She knows him well, but may be prone to suggest things he enjoyed during grade school. Brotheror Sister: If his siblings don't know what to get him, see if you canfind something his brother has that your guy doesn't; that's usuallysomething he wouldn't mind having as well. Friends: These guys will probably have heard him whine about what he wishes he could have. Wife or Girlfriend: Hopefully the guy you're buying only has one or the other. Ask recipient Yourguy may not give you a real answer, but it doesn't hurt to try.  Ifyou're sneaky, you can trick him into telling you.  For example: "Whatdid you mother buy you?  Was it any good?  What should she have boughtyou?" 2. Use pre-emptive shopping Buying a gift is not that different from planning a military campaign... start early and be thorough. Always plan well in advance. Use your calendar... that's what they're made for... you can't plan ahead if you realized his birthday was yesterday. Forbirthdays, father's day, etc, start shopping at least two weeks before;start earlier if you think you may want to buy something online, so youdon't have to pay rush shipping charges.  For Christmas or otherDecember holidays, it's better to start the week before Thanksgiving,to beat the rush. Remember that you don't NEED to buy on the first day of shopping; that's why you've started looking so far in advance. Thinkabout joining forces.  Not only can you get a more impressive gift thanwhat you could buy on your own, but you can also use another person'sideas is you're stuck. 3. Avoid certain gifts Thereare several gifts that you should consider avoiding; sometimes a giftcomes in too many variations to choose from, while other times the giftidea is just plain bad: Clothes:unless you're a reknowned clothes buyer, you may want to avoid buyinghim anything that involves too much sizing and style decisions.  Hats,gloves, and the like are easy enough, but shirts, pants, and footwearare almost impossible to get right. GiftsYou Want For Yourself: you're probably smart enough not to buysomething for him that's personalized with your name, but you mayaccidentally get something that's more for you than for him.  When youreally like something, it can be easy to convince yourself that hewants it too.  Gifts that can often fall into this category includekitchenware, artwork, movies, and music. LotteryTickets: it's not a horrible faux-pas to include lottery tickets with agift, but it's not a good idea to make them the gift itself.  If yourguy is unlucky, the end result of the gift is NOTHING; if he is lucky,you might start resenting him for winning on YOUR ticket. OffensiveGifts: a good rule to follow with buying the more offensive andoff-color gifts is that your guy must be decidedly ruder than you. Keep in mind, too, that while he may enjoy the ruder gifts, he may notappreciate them in certain contexts.  If all you got him for Christmasis a "Bikini Inspector" T-Shirt, he may take that as a sign that youthink of him as just some crude guy, and nothing more. Animalsand Plants: unless you have a specific reason to think your recipientneeds another fish or a new ficus, stay away.  Many fine people can'tnurture anything other than a beer, and of those who can, most wouldrather do their own choosing. 4. Consider certain gifts Finally, we're going to give you a quick list of some gifts that have been known to do well: Lessonsfor Something: quite a few people would enjoy receiving paid lessonsfor something they love, since it's a way of saying that you supportthem in their hobbies, and it gives them an excuse to be a little more"selfish" with their time.  It's important that you know your guy'sschedule, though; no matter how much he wants to learn to Lambada, hemay not have time with his job as President of the United States. Ticketsto the Next Big Event: If you know he'll enjoy an upcoming concert,sports game, etc., consider picking up a pair of tickets.  Keep inmind, though, that if you want to make sure you're invited along, besure to keep one of the tickets... giving both tickets to yourrecipient may create an uncomfortable situation for both of you. Baked Goods: practically every man enjoys something from the oven; just be sure that it's one of your better recipes. GiftsYou're Good at Making: if you're a woodworker, make a nicewoodwork-thingy.  The same goes for any talent.  Maybe you're only goodat limericks... well, just make sure it's good (or dirty, as needed). StuffedAnimals: many guys like stuffed toys, when they receive them fromwomen... it's like a form of reverse psychology: only a REAL man canhandle receiving a cuddly plush koala. GiftCertificates: despite what some people say, this is a great idea forthe right person.  If he's the type of guy who never splurges onhimself, a gift certificate will force him to actually buy or dosomething he wants for once. GiftBaskets: a themed basket may seem like a cliché, but most people havenever actually received one.  Perhaps your guy wouldn't mind feelinglike a bigshot. Liquor:any guy who has a special brand, especially if he never feels he canafford it, would love a bottle of it for any special occasion. ThemedBoard Games: if you know your guy enjoys spending time with friends andfamily, perhaps a board game that matches his interests (baseball, StarTrek, cars) is the right gift -- just make sure that he has somefriends or relatives who like his hobby enough to play along. MagazineSubscriptions: if you've seen him reading a couple issues of the samemagazine, it's a good idea to look at getting him a subscription.  Ifyou are late ordering the subscription (i.e., it won't start in time),just purchase a newstand copy to present him (along with the news thathe's a subscriber), to tide him over. 5. Attach a nice note Quitea few guys like to pretend that they don't like cards or notes withtheir presents; some guys will unwrap the gift before doing anyreading, while others will shake the card in a search for any cashinserts. Despitethis ruse, almost all guys would appreciate a personal message withtheir gift; it's a way for you to say that this person is special, andthat buying him a gift was not just done out of some sense ofobligation. Mostpeople choose store-bought cards to give; while this is a perfectlyreasonable thing to do, we do recommend adding some personal commentsto the card.  Some people just write a quick message, "I Love You" or"You're the Best!", while other people write long passages.  Thedecision on what to write should be made based on what you'recomfortable doing; if you've forced yourself to write a certainmessage, your difficulty in writing it may be apparent to the reader. Some people feel more comfortable attaching a timely quote to theirgift cards; we have created a list of Gift Card Quotes for a good number of occasions and relationships. Note: Extra Advice for Husband and Boyfriend Gifts There are a few extra things to consider when the guy you're buying for is a husband or boyfriend: WatchYour Splurges: whatever you get this time should be at least asimpressive as the last gift, and you may want to make sure that you canfollow up with another good gift the next time.  This isn't always aproblem with guys, but you can't be sure which guys will start to thinkthat you're becoming lazy or uncaring.  If you've already oversteppedyour means with one of your gifts in the past, try substitutingexpensive gifts for more resonable gifts along with a special activity. Take him to the football game and give him a personalized sportsjersey of his favourite team, or cook him his favourite meal whilewearing something he'd never expect to see in the kitchen. GiftsYou Want for Yourself: we're mentioning it again.  This is especiallytempting with significant others, since you'll have access to any giftsyou've purchased.  If your guy remotely suspects that the gift is morefor you than for him (i.e., a new curling iron), he may get sulky andweird.  (We're assuming that you'd rather he not be sulky and weird...forgive us if we're mistaken.) AskHim What he Wants: for the most part, guys aren't expecting anymind-reading... if you don't know what he wants, ask him.  Few guyswill become upset with that, but some will refuse to give you any realanswers... that's why we gave you these tips in the first place. Five Steps to Choosing the Right Gift Do you know what he wants?  Too many guys keep what they want asecret... usually the response you'll get for asking is along the linesof "I don't really want anything". Believe me, we're well aware of this situation that too manygift-givers find themselves in; we get quite a few people writing infor advice on what to buy. Since a lot of people ask us what they should get, but don't tell uswhat their guy is like, it's pretty hard for us to choose the rightideas.  We decided that it might help for us to present a definitiveHow-To for choosing the gifts your guy really wants, for Christmas, forhis birthday, or for any other occasion. There are five steps to finding a good gift: 1. Research what your guy likes Your guy likes stuff, it's a fact... if you don't know what helikes, it's because you haven't spent the time thinking about it from agift-buying perspective.  Here are some tips to get you listening towhat he wants: Listen to what he says On TV:  He'll probably mention something, or at least "Oooh and Ahhh" over one or two products that are being advertised. While Shopping:  Drag him to the mall; it may be painful for theboth of you, but the results are worth it.  Listen for the same whinesof desire while you stroll through the "guy sections". While Chatting:  If you talk to him about sports, tools, music, orcars for just a moment or two, and you'll probably get an idea of whathe wants. Snoop around his "guy areas" Check out what he has:  Sometimes the right gift for a guy is an accessory to something he already has. Check out what he doesn't have: For example, if he likes the tools,try to find out what should be in the gaping hole in the workshop. Listen to someone close to your guy It's not that you're not close to the guys on your list, but theremay be things that you're not being told that other people have foundout about what your guy wants. Mother: She knows him well, but may be prone to suggest things he enjoyed during grade school. Brother or Sister: If his siblings don't know what to get him, seeif you can find something his brother has that your guy doesn't; that'susually something he wouldn't mind having as well. Friends: These guys will probably have heard him whine about what he wishes he could have. Wife or Girlfriend: Hopefully the guy you're buying only has one or the other. Ask the recipient Your guy may not give you a real answer, but it doesn't hurt to try. If you're sneaky, you can trick him into telling you.  For example:"What did your mother buy you?  Was it any good?  What should she havebought you?" 2. Use pre-emptive shopping Buying a gift is not that different from planning a military campaign... start early and be thorough. Always plan well in advance. Use your calendar... that's what they're made for... you can't plan ahead if you realized his birthday was yesterday. For birthdays, father's day, etc, start shopping at least two weeksbefore; start earlier if you think you may want to buy somethingonline, so you don't have to pay rush shipping charges.  For Christmasor other December holidays, it's better to start the week beforeThanksgiving, to beat the rush. Remember that you don't NEED to buy on the first day of shopping; that's why you've started looking so far in advance. Think about joining forces with another friend or family member. Not only can you get a more impressive gift than what you could buy onyour own, but you can also use another person's ideas is you're stuck. If you still want to get a gift that's just from you, there may be twoitems that go well together, and each person could buy one. 3. Avoid certain gifts There are several gifts that you should consider avoiding; sometimesa gift comes in too many variations to choose from, while other timesthe gift idea is just plain bad: Clothes: unless you're a reknowned clothes buyer, you may want toavoid buying him anything that involves too much sizing and styledecisions.  Hats, gloves, and the like are easy enough, but shirts,pants, and footwear can be difficult to get right.  If you live withhim, make sure you check something he's worn recently for currentsizing.  If you don't live with him, and you can't search his clotheswhile he's distracted by football, you may have to stick to hats andaccessories. Gifts You Want For Yourself: you're probably smart enough not tobuy something for him that's personalized with your name, but you mayaccidentally get something that's more for you than for him.  When youreally like something, it can be easy to convince yourself that hewants it too.  Gifts that can often fall into this category includekitchenware, artwork, movies, and music. Lottery Tickets: it's not a horrible faux-pas to include lotterytickets with a gift, but it's not a good idea to make them the giftitself.  If your guy is unlucky, the end result of the gift is NOTHING;if he is lucky, you might start resenting him for winning on YOURticket. Offensive Gifts: a good rule to follow with buying the moreoffensive and off-color gifts is that your guy must be decidedly ruderthan you.  Keep in mind, too, that while he may enjoy the ruder gifts,he may not appreciate them in certain contexts.  If all you got him forChristmas is a "Bikini Inspector" T-Shirt, he may take that as a signthat you think of him as just some crude guy, and nothing more. Animals and Plants: unless you have a specific reason to think yourrecipient needs another fish or a new ficus, stay away.  Animals are adefinite mistake, while plants are only for some recipients, and few ofthose recipients are men.  Many great guys can't nurture anything otherthan a beer, and of those who can, most would rather do their ownchoosing.  Save the meaningful plant gifts for girlfriends, sisters andavid gardeners. 4. Consider certain gifts Finally, we're going to give you a quick list of some gifts that have been known to do well: Lessons for Something: quite a few people would enjoy receivingpaid lessons for something they love, since it's a way of saying thatyou support them in their hobbies, and it gives them an excuse to be alittle more "selfish" with their time.  It's important that you knowyour guy's schedule, though; no matter how much he wants to learn toLambada, he may not have time with his job as President of the UnitedStates. Tickets to the Next Big Event: If you know he'll enjoy an upcomingconcert, sports game, etc., consider picking up a pair of tickets. Keep in mind, though, that if you want to make sure you're invitedalong, be sure to keep one of the tickets... giving both tickets toyour recipient may create an uncomfortable situation for both of you. Baked Goods: practically every man enjoys something from the oven; just be sure that it's one of your better recipes. Gifts You're Good at Making: if you're a woodworker, make a nicewoodwork-thingy.  The same goes for any talent.  Maybe you're only goodat limericks... well, just make sure it's good (or dirty, as needed). Stuffed Animals: many guys like stuffed toys, when they receivethem from women... it's like a form of reverse psychology: only a REALman can handle receiving a cuddly plush koala. Gift Certificates: despite what some people say, this is a greatidea for the right person.  If he's the type of guy who never splurgeson himself, a gift certificate will force him to actually buy or dosomething HE wants for once. Gift Baskets: a themed basket may seem like a cliché, but mostpeople have never actually received one.  Perhaps your guy wouldn'tmind feeling like a bigshot. Liquor: any guy who has a special brand, especially if he neverfeels he can afford it, would love a bottle of it for any specialoccasion. Themed Board Games: if you know your guy enjoys spending time withfriends and family, perhaps a board game that matches his interests(baseball, Star Trek, cars) is the right gift -- just make sure that hehas some friends or relatives who like his hobby enough to play along. Magazine Subscriptions: if you've seen him reading a couple issuesof the same magazine, it's a good idea to look at getting him asubscription.  If you are late ordering the subscription (i.e., itwon't start in time), just purchase a newstand copy to present him(along with the news that he's a subscriber), to tide him over. 5. Attach a nice note Quite a few guys like to pretend that they don't like cards or noteswith their presents; some guys will unwrap the gift before doing anyreading, while others will shake the card in a search for any cashinserts. Despite this ruse, almost all guys would appreciate a personalmessage with their gift; it's a way for you to say that this person isspecial, and that buying him a gift was not just done out of some senseof obligation. Most people choose store-bought cards to give; while this is aperfectly reasonable thing to do, we do recommend adding some personalcomments to the card.  Some people just write a quick message, "I LoveYou" or "You're the Best!", while other people write long passages. The decision on what to write should be made based on what you'recomfortable doing; if you've forced yourself to write a certainmessage, your difficulty in writing it may be apparent to the reader. Some people feel more comfortable attaching a timely quote to theirgift cards. Note: Extra Advice for Husband and Boyfriend Gifts There are a few extra things to consider when the guy you're buying for is a husband or boyfriend: Watch Your Splurges: whatever you get this time should be at leastas impressive as the last gift, and you may want to make sure that youcan follow up with another good gift the next time.  This isn't alwaysa problem with guys, but you can't be sure which guys will start tothink that you're becoming lazy or uncaring.  If you've alreadyoverstepped your means with one of your gifts in the past, trysubstituting expensive gifts for more resonable gifts along with aspecial activity.  Take him to the football game and give him apersonalized sports jersey of his favourite team, or cook him hisfavourite meal while wearing something he'd never expect to see in thekitchen. Gifts You Want for Yourself: we're mentioning it again.  This isespecially tempting with significant others, since you'll have accessto any gifts you've purchased.  If your guy remotely suspects that thegift is more for you than for him (i.e., a new curling iron), he mayget sulky and weird.  (We're assuming that you'd rather he not be sulkyand weird... forgive us if we're mistaken.) Ask Him What he Wants: for the most part, guys aren't expecting anymind-reading... if you don't know what he wants, ask him.  Few guyswill become upset with that, but some will refuse to give you any realanswers... that's why we gave you these tips in the first place. You can search for gifts for your guy (and for anyone else) at Gift Spool .

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