The “Indulgent Love” Factor in Japan’s Business Culture

Westerners who are newcomers to Japan’s business world invariably encounter a cultural factor that appears to be irrational and results in frustration that can range from irritating if it is explained to maddening if it is not. This cultural principle—traditionally one of the primary foundations of business in Japan—is subsumed in the word amae (ah-my), which I define in my book Japan’s Cultural Code Words as “indulgent love.” But it incorporates much more than what this suggests.   Amae is the noun form of the verb amaeru (ah-my-rue), which is defined in Japanese terms as “to play the baby;” “to play the coquette;” “to fawn on a person;” “to coax one’s mother into doing some for you;” “to presume upon another’s love;” “to take advantage of someone or some situation.” Very early in the history of the Japanese the concept of amae became a primary principle in the culture and one of the foundations of all relationships. Its full meaning in a cultural sense refers to being able to take advantage of other people in a cooperative spirit with the unstated commitment that they can do the same to you when the need arises. The principle of amae, which no doubt derived from Shinto, takes precedence over egoistic feelings and the natural human instinct of selfishness, and is designed to ensure that society will function smoothly and efficiently. Of course, this is an idealized concept of the desired attitudes and behavior of human beings—and one that has been a key aspect of many religions and philosophies—but in Japan where it meshed perfectly with the precepts of Buddhism and Confucianism, it actually became an integral part of the daily life of the Japanese. Both the word amae and the concept it refers to are still very much a part of the cultural make-up of the Japanese, and still plays a primary role in virtually all relationships—particularly so in business and politics. You might say amae is a much stronger and more important element than the Western concept of “I will scratch your back if you will scratch mine.” What it does in Japan is give the Japanese a great deal more leeway in how they handle their relationships with business partners and political allies as circumstances change. They can, for example, stretch or “break” some of the provisions of an agreement or contract—with or without explaining their behavior in advance—when from their viewpoint it is important to do so, without unduly upsetting the other party because the other party has the “right” to do the same thing when it benefits them. To the Western mind this type of behavior is likely to be taken as dishonest when it occurs without being explained, but it is part of the common culture of the Japanese that does not have to be explained. Learning how to accept and use amae behavior is a valuable asset in dealing with the Japanese. It is also important to keep in mind that it is common for some less scrupulous people to go beyond the norm in using this cultural factor to gain some advantage, especially where naïve foreigners are concerned. Where foreigners are concerned, it is wise to explain amae-type behavior to your Japanese counterparts before you engage in it because they will not be expecting it from you. Once explained they are not likely to dispute your rationale. Copyright © 2009 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente ______________________________________ Boyé Lafayette De Mente is a graduate of Jōchi University in Tokyo and Thunderbird School of Global Management in Glendale, Arizona. He is the author of more than 50 books on the business practices, cultures and languages of China, Japan, Korea and Mexico. For a list and synopses of his books go to: www.boyedemente.com

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